Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I am mentally ready for anal.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
