The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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