I think my vagina is haunted
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize