I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
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