Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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