So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Randomize
