Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
