she sounds like chewbacca in bed
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I AM VODKA MAN
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Randomize
