you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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