I want to stick my p in your. b.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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