God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
