just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Randomize
