As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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