i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Randomize
