at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
