The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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