Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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