Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Randomize
