Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
