Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
