Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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