Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
