Please, let me fuck your mom
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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