Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
