I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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