Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Just puked most of my soul out..
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
