I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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