So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
