I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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