I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
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