there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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