I only kidnapped one of them. chill
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Randomize
