I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
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