Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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