I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
