Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
