Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I didn't notice because vodka
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize
