3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
if you like me you must not know who I am
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
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