he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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