you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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