Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Also, beer. Big fan.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
