How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
