you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
