small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
