i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
