I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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