I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Randomize
