you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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