Pants 0. Shit 1.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
