My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
i will never coherently bang her
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
