i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
