Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
