It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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